We are supposed to suffer

We are women
We are supposed to suffer
Our feet constricted so we can’t run
Our arm encumbered so we can’t fight
Our eyes pointed down so we can’t see the way to freedom
Your arm extended that we don’t dare refuse
Our words bitten back, swallowed like acid, burning
We are women
We are supposed to suffer

Pursuing the Mind of a Neurotypical

Pursuing the Mind of a Neurotypical

While chasing boredom at Facebook, I ran across this image posted by a friend.  I don’t usually read these but, like I said, I was bored.  It is rife with things my psych doctor would call red flags and empty promises.

The first red flag is the “preface”.  Sometimes when people talk they say things like “Sorry, this is dumb but–“.  The premise of this is that you shouldn’t do that.  Never devalue what you are going to say by using a deprecating preface.  In theory, I agree.  In practice I have learned that to be “social” you need to use something to anesthetize the recipient.  I cannot count the times I have been reprimanded for saying things in an “angry” manner that was nothing more than stating the bald comment.  I said “This makes no sense and I can’t fulfill this requirement.” only to be told not to be angry.  The only way I have found to get around this is to preface my comment with “I totally agree with you but I can’t make any sense of this and I don’t think the requirement can be filled.”.  The preface “Sorry, this is dumb but–” is more likely to be used in a situation such as “Sorry, maybe I’m dumb but I think your shoes don’t match.”.  Trust me, when you are getting ready to tell someone something like that you don’t want them to get their back up.  “Your shoes don’t match”, while accurate, is inflammatory in most neurotypicals minds.  My base instincts are to say “Your shoes don’t match”. I spend a shit-ton of time trying to make sure I don’t say things in a way that the neurotypical understands whether I am mocking them or not.  You need to sound either deprecatory or sympathetic.  Sympathetic does not work a lot of the time since it comes across as “mocking”.  The precursor left to use is the deprecating “I’m sorry but”.

The second red flag is “Laugh so hard it’s obnoxious”.  Neurotypicals absolutely do not like any sort of over-reaction, not even laughter.  If you follow this directive, the most likely thing that will happen is someone will suggest a good therapist for that emotional “problem”.  As someone who has been manic many times, over laughing is creepy to the neurotypical.  They will literally step away.

That leaves the idiotic “You fit. I promise.”.  This is so ridiculous that I almost laughed out loud.  No, some of us will never fit, not anywhere, but you know what, we still deserve to be here and be happy.

in response to http://canadianatheist.com/2013/06/05/shut-up-and-listen/

” I’m actually a good listener, but I don’t, and never will shut up.”

you realize these two things are incompatible, right?

Either you shut up and listen to what someone is saying or you talk over them. Saying you never will shut up is basically saying “I don’t give a crap what you say”. I’m not even saying this as a woman or whatever. I’m just saying this as a *parent*. If you can’t ever “shut up” you will *never* be able to listen to your kids. And if it applies to kids, well hell, I think you can pretty much apply it to everybody else in the whole world. Until you back off and stop talking and actually *listen* and use *cognitive reasoning skills*, especially in the case of kids, you are *never* going to understand anyone but yourself. And unfortunately, *everyone is not You*. I’m not you, your kid is not You, your mom and dad aren’t You, the neighbors aren’t you. You cant understand someone else’s *experience of life* until you stop talking about how you experience life and listen using cognitive reasoning skills. Just hearing the words isn’t enough. Just being quiet and not talking over someone *isn’t enough*. You have to *think* about what that person said and you have to apply it not to *you* but to *them*. If you find yourself saying “well, that’s not what I experienced when I went to Disney, I don’t know what my daughter is talking about” then you *didn’t reason out what was said to you*. You just tried to apply what they said to *yourself* and that *doesn’t* work.