While chasing boredom at Facebook, I ran across this image posted by a friend. I don’t usually read these but, like I said, I was bored. It is rife with things my psych doctor would call red flags and empty promises.
The first red flag is the “preface”. Sometimes when people talk they say things like “Sorry, this is dumb but–“. The premise of this is that you shouldn’t do that. Never devalue what you are going to say by using a deprecating preface. In theory, I agree. In practice I have learned that to be “social” you need to use something to anesthetize the recipient. I cannot count the times I have been reprimanded for saying things in an “angry” manner that was nothing more than stating the bald comment. I said “This makes no sense and I can’t fulfill this requirement.” only to be told not to be angry. The only way I have found to get around this is to preface my comment with “I totally agree with you but I can’t make any sense of this and I don’t think the requirement can be filled.”. The preface “Sorry, this is dumb but–” is more likely to be used in a situation such as “Sorry, maybe I’m dumb but I think your shoes don’t match.”. Trust me, when you are getting ready to tell someone something like that you don’t want them to get their back up. “Your shoes don’t match”, while accurate, is inflammatory in most neurotypicals minds. My base instincts are to say “Your shoes don’t match”. I spend a shit-ton of time trying to make sure I don’t say things in a way that the neurotypical understands whether I am mocking them or not. You need to sound either deprecatory or sympathetic. Sympathetic does not work a lot of the time since it comes across as “mocking”. The precursor left to use is the deprecating “I’m sorry but”.
The second red flag is “Laugh so hard it’s obnoxious”. Neurotypicals absolutely do not like any sort of over-reaction, not even laughter. If you follow this directive, the most likely thing that will happen is someone will suggest a good therapist for that emotional “problem”. As someone who has been manic many times, over laughing is creepy to the neurotypical. They will literally step away.
That leaves the idiotic “You fit. I promise.”. This is so ridiculous that I almost laughed out loud. No, some of us will never fit, not anywhere, but you know what, we still deserve to be here and be happy.